Whoot! So happy exams finished on Wednesday ^^

I'm tearing my room and sewing room apart trying to find this purple zebra-ish fabric I *might* be able to use for my cheshire corset... but I just can't find the damn thing!! I know I have it here somewhere! ... where is the question... >.< Eh good excuse to clean my messy room up. It's amazing how much you just chuck everything on the floor when you have exams.. xD lol.

I have the interview to get into my Diploma of Applied Fashion Design and Technology on the 19th.. so in the mean time.. I'm getting as much work done n my folio as I possibly could =^^=
The best thing is.. the more I work on my cheshire..the more I have to put in my folio. For example.. I just drafted my own corset pattern.. That's a GREAT thing to put in my folio... as long as it works Oh well... as soon as I can find that damned material we'll see!! lol


So updates on the last journal:
I got my health checked out, I'm all good. Thank god. I was stressing for no reason just before cancer does run in my fam. But eh. Better to be safe than sorry ^^
Everything else has also fallen into place nicely as well. Thank you for your well wishes, all of you *hugs you all*
Why am I using sushi as bullets.. because I'm hungry =[

And just because I was thinking of fallen angels on the way home from the last exam...
.................................. .............................

Life is just not fair at the moment. Not only are exams this Friday. But I have a few health concerns that could be potentially be very very bad…like cancer bad… Of course I’m ignoring it, because I just don’t want to know. Not now. Can’t handle it.
My brother ended up in hosp a few days ago. Looks like he’s going to have to have an op. And to top it all off.. my cat passed away Friday night.

At a friends place on the other side of the city, and my aunty calls me, because my mum’s crying too much to talk, and she tells me Charlie is dying. All I could say was “that’s not fair’ and ‘how’. Don’t you love shock. He just went to the vets the day before, and he said Charlie was getting better. He wasn’t getting enough oxygen around his little body. His gums were blue. And while at the vets on friday, he let out this horrible howl like meow. It was heart breaking. I just burst into tears and buried my head into my boyfriends shoulder. I was trying to be strong for my mum, to be there for her, but I couldn’t just then. It just hurt too much. To hear him in pain like that. It’s not fair.
I couldn’t stay in the room while he was being put down. No way. I’m glad my mother didn’t have to do it alone, but I couldn’t.

My brother couldn’t even stay sat night here with us, like was originally planned. He just left. How could he just leave mum and I like this. Leave me to look after her when she just randomly bursts into tears. Charlie was like her child. He’d si on her lap every night, and watch tv with her. He’d even wait for her while she did the dishes, knowing that it’s time for them to curl up on the couch together.

And today. Life just hates us! Some arsehole deliberately walked slowly in front of the car. Then punched my window as he walked past, spouting foul language. And of course, had to throw a rock at us, then decide to come after us again. Mum just ran a red light. She wasn’t going to stay there. I tell you, I’m in the right mood to just put someone in hospital if they start shit with me. I don’t care how strong or tough he thinks he is.

To make things worse, the gas was almost cut off because the freaking metre reader got the wrong address. Fuckwit. My boyfriend tells me’ that’s what you get for getting a discount cat’. Like that’s supposed to make the feelings any less valid! Arsehole. And out other cat, Sophie, she had a wheeze last night as well.. which is what it started off with, with Charlie. I just can’t handle it!!! I don’t want to lose them both. I can’t. I thought I could handle this. But I can’t. I’m at breaking point, even though I try and hide it from everyone else. I can’t do this with exams next week. I can’t pretend everything’s ok.

I have the tell tale signs of depression already. I just want to sleep all day. Couldn’t care less about anything. Don’t want to go anywhere. And would have no problem bashing someone’s skull in. Yay for depression. Lets give my stupid body another reason not to function properly with exams a week away.

I’m going to talk to someone at TAFE and see if I can get a derived examination score. Because if it all relies on the exam.. I’ll just fail. The whole year will be to waste. And as much as I don’t care at the moment, I know I will if I fail. I just can’t look after mum, and myself.